‘Position yourself strategically’

 ‘Look good always. You know men are visual’

‘Start watching sports channels but first watch Steve Harvey’s’ ’ Think Like a Man, act like a lady’ or better still read the book’

‘Eh! have you read captivating womanhood? A must read for anyone who wants to find a hubby’

‘Galz, here’s Mavuno’s blog ‘Finders and Keepers’, it really opened my eyes.’

These are just but an armful of loads of advise dished out to women whenever the topics; love, men and relationships pop up during sleepovers, lunch dates,  book clubs or expensive dating Conferences.

Women, just like men, go to great lengths to try and understand the opposite sex.  Psychologists, musicians, life coaches and even writers have endeavored to make sense of that phantom in the wind called love and many have become millionaires while at it.

‘Women should stop watching chick flicks. They are as harmful as pornography. They give you an overly high and unrealistic expectation and hence no man will ever fit your fantastical image of Mr. Right’ argues Hayley DeMarco author of the Dating book ‘Marriable- Taking the Desperate out of Dating’ 

Many have since after posed the question; do soul mates exist?

 According to Martha Beck, Certified Life coach, soul mates do exist and below are the first true steps for seeking  your soul mate.

  1. 1.       ‘know thyself’


Many relationships advisors have come up with ‘strategies that they advise women to use. One of such strategies is pretending.

‘Always pretend you are busier than you truly are, lay back so he doesn’t find out just how assertive you are at first, let him love you and discover later’.


Martha Beck dismisses this fallacy of pretending that you are busier\ less assertive than you truly are as a false start.  Martha then advocates for developing a strong sense of self.

 ‘Looking for love before developing a strong sense of self is like trying to find the mate of a shoe you’ve never seen. Explore your own nature; write down your favorite foods, books and songs. Embark on a voyage of self discovery for its own sake and you are likely to bump into the perfect travelling companion.’

 In his book’ The Alchemist’, Brazilian author Paulo Coelho tells the story of a shepherd boy who had a dream about a treasure hidden in the pyramids of Egypt. After consulting a dream interpreter, the boy decided to go off and find his treasure. What follows is a journey of numerous adventures, self-discovery and an understanding of the world in his own special way. The boy Santiaogo ends his journey having learnt an ultimate truth that not only changes his life but also turns him into an effective human being.

It is true therefore, that ‘An unexamined life is not a life worth living. Examining your life will not only make you more insightful but also quite aware of your life principles. This will help you find someone who has similar values and both of you will do up a similar path in this journey of life.


  1. 2.       Value Thyself

 Beck  also suggests valuing yourself. ‘Put forth your greatest gifts, the areas where you are most talented and extraordinary. The few people you share with your most exceptional characteristics are your kinfolk; the population that’s most likely to contain your hearts’ partner. Maybe you’re passionate about sports or gardening, poetry or spiritual insight. Dating people who are just ok and not as ardent about what you are zealous about will eat up the time you should be spending pursuing your interests in the right places where you are likely to bump into the right person’. Therefore, be pickier, less accepting and more committed to the ‘bad attitude’ that will make you seek people who are extraordinary in the same  way you are. Be courteous to men who don’t appeal to you but for Pete’s sake don’t waste your evenings with them

  1. 3.       Engage Thyself.

Finally, you need to fill your life with interesting things to do. If you want to attract a partner, identify what you love to do and do it-a lot. Just don’t spend all your precious time love-hunting. After all, we don’t want the hunted to be the hunter, right?

Push the limits of your personal abilities, transcend your perimeter. Learn a new skill or volunteer. Don’t become someone you are not, dare to be more yourself.

Always remember, the magnetism for authentic living is terribly attractive and far more powerful than just faking it.

 When all is said and done, you will come to perceive that there’s someone whose heart and mind fit yours perfectly …. somewhere out there, out where dreams come true…..


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