My Uhuru Wife.

Mwaniga Minage..

In the dark,
She stands
An Illumination of the moons’ mystery,
Caught up in misery,
My fair furious lady

Her stylish dress,
A culmination of the vanity
That fills her narcissist heart
That I won over,
Because of my manly charm.

I watch her draw in a breath of the common air
In righteous indignation she heaves,
Spreading sparks of fury
That burns the fires in my loins.

Her chest moves in and out,
As she consumes the cheap free oxygen
And stares at me right over,
As though I,
Could use some of the carbon monoxide she exhales.

She says the reason she hates me so,
Is because she found me in another girls embrace,
But with a temper like that,
Who really is to blame?

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Of TPF Five, Split Votes and burgeoning Loyalty amongst Contestants Doreen, Jackson and Ruth.

By Gloria Mwaniga.

In my heart a battle rages; the sort of battle that a guy fights when he likes
Two girls but doesn’t know who to date because they are uniquely different and yet so special.
The kind of battle that makes a girl toss and turn in her sleep because she just doesn’t know who to choose between the ‘good boy’ that is rather boring but liked by her
Parents and the bad boy who is wild at heart yet fun to be around.

But like the characters above, I can only make one choice, and at the end of the day I need to choose just one of my three favorite contestants at the Tusker Project Fame season five.

1. Doreen, just an ordinary girl chasing a dream.

I first met Doreen early this year at a monthly writer’s forum called Amka at the Goethe institute.
Two things made the first impression;
One: the young girl in boots with a purple guitar over her shoulder and a husky voice reminded me of Brooke of the TV series ‘One Tree Hill.’
Two; when I approached her, her sincere smile and friendliness won me over.
During the tea break, I told her of my love for soft rock music and to my amazement she got out her guitar and played two songs;
Ok, who wouldn’t like such a person?
A few months later, I got a text message from ‘Dona’ the name I knew her first by.
It simply said ‘hi, I auditioned in Nakuru and got into TPF, I am so excited.’

One thing about Doreen is that she is passionate about music. So ardent that she would give up anything else just for it.
If you have been following the show as it unfolds weekly, you will notice that she has gotten better with time; just like fine wine.
Last night, after beautifully singing an Adele song that got Judge Ian beaming with pride, one of her teachers said she had been practicing with tears in her eye: that’s just how badly this ordinary girl wants to make something of herself in this big big world.

And that is the kind of passion that drove Donald Trump to build an empire

2. Along came Jackson.
Jackson. The soft -spoken monsieur from Burundi.
He seems to have mastered the art of guitar strumming.
And he is such an en
Yesterday, he proved that he could dance as well as he sings
The way he does the things he does; plays his guitar, his tilted French-English, his gentle and calm self; just sort of leaves one with no choice but to vote for him.

3. Ruth-less.

That is what you would call her if you were her competitor.
This girl knows what she wants and is not afraid to take a step in the direction her echoes are sending her to.
A consistent performer and excellent deliverer, she always aims for the stars and reaches them too.
Listening to her powerful voice and sure-self sort of leaves me asking ‘with that kind of voice, how have you managed to stay unknown for all these years.’
One thing’s for sure, whether she bags the gold or not, this girl is going places.

In Chinua Achebe’s short story,’the voter,’ a character faced with a plight such as mine because he had sworn allegiance to two contestants was left with no choice but to divide the vote by tearing the ballot paper into two.

In my case however, I do hope that no such plight shall befall me. I shall cast my votes to all the three in a picky picky poncky , father had a donkey kind of way until one of them wins; and may the best musician win….

Minister Mutula and the Mini skirt High School Girls’ of Murang’a, Kenya.

By MInage Gloria Mwaniga

Education minister turned fashionista Mutula Kilonzo has been quite a family guy this month. That is besides being scared stiff by a house gal who lives somewhere on State house.

He was extensively mentioned by one Miguna Miguna on the bench as being a witness to Mr. Orengo’s strange spending habits (he is said to have walked away pissed when Mr. O rengo bought a short sleeved shirt for over three hundred and fifty thousand shillings.)

Yesterday, Mr. Mutula decided to delve more into domestic affairs by siding with some teenage girls who have come to the realization that long skirts isn’t their thing’ any more. And so after skillfully dodging the KNUT representatives who wanted him to increase the teachers’ salaries by 300% he went ahead and got 100% airtime on all the local media for uttering these words below.
We should move with the trends, these girls should not be compelled to wear long skirts; they are not nuns….. If someone forces you, just call me, I will convince them to let you wear the short skirts.

Excuze moi??

I do spend a considerable amount of time with teens because I volunteer with an organization that work with them and so I’d like to give a small piece of advice to Mr. Mutula but before that let me just add that Mr . Otient Kajwang was probably just joking when he said he will propose that 12 year olds votes and so, Mr. Mutula shouldn’t worry that siding with teachers can lead to his losing popularity with these bunch of kids who may refuse to vote for him yet they make up the largest part of the population if the 2010 census is anything to go by.

Reasons why I do not agree with Mutula.

One.

The reaction of the kids just shows us what our society’s becoming. Thanks to the current trends, the teens think wearing short skirts will make them ‘better’ individuals or worse still, not wearing short skirts will make them not cool. Maybe its time we think through what moral lessons our teens are getting from the world around us.

Moreover, where are the teachers who are parents too, supposed to look especially when the girls sit indecently in class or bend to pick items that they dropped??

Two, girls are in either form two or three. Reason? They would just like to create something interesting in their otherwise boring life at school and especially since second term is quite a long term, so taking them too seriously isn’t a creative solution. And the minister, being a parent, should have figured this out.

Three: this short skirt theory is likely to lower the esteem of the girls who do not have nice legs, moreover, the mamas with great legs will become a source of envy to the other girls and worse still, prey for those teachers and TP’s who will obviously get tempted seeing them walking in the staffrooms shaking their semi-hips in a new found young adult grandeur.

As I write this, I think of my friend V. whose great legs were unfortunately, the target of the female teachers who looked like they were on a mission to disfigure and mark them all over with strokes of the cane just because they looked nice.

And for Pete’s sake, who wants their teenage daughter’s behind squeezed into an almost flat ball of flesh by a skirt made for their little sister. Sorry Mr.Waziri but this time, I’ll be candid and tell you to just focus your energy and eyes on more useful things concerning education e.g. just how low quality the so called free primary school education is and leave skirt issues to the parents and guidance and counseling department’s of schools. Mschewww…

Wamathai July…. and the Changing Youth Pop-Culture in Nairobi.

As President Kibaki was busy receiving an Ipad from the CEO of Safaricom Mr. Bob Collimore and some chaps in rural Kenya awaited for a song from their Deity, one Saint Luka on a hill somewhere out there, a large number of creatives, poets, poetry lovers and bloggers in skinny jeans, tights, dresses and casual weekend wear were down at Safaricoms’ Michael Joseph center, creative throats perched in eager expectation of good poetry and music.

Being the first time I was attending the Wamathai Spoken word evening, I was there quite on time. The huge room, with traditional lesso covered seats was quite a sight and the color mix up of ethnic and foreign dresses assured me that I was in for quite an artsy treat. The subtle lighting added to the poet-ness of the evening and I sat down amongst friends to indulge my ears.

The flowe-try veteran El Poet was first on stage speaking on his favorite topic, socialism, war and development in Africa in a fast and rhythmic manner.
The event continued with a number of performances from other poets like Jemedari, Ngatia Julie and Bobby Mureithi.

The comely Raya Wambui did a powerful piece called ‘Stand up and Fight for me’ based on the Post election Violent that rocked Kenya in 2007-2008.
Hilarious Man Njoro had a piece for the ecstatic crowd on how to make three million in three months, Kenyan style.

The mood of the event changed as we delved into some soothing music from Dempsey n the boys and the guests were allowed to go round looking at the professionally taken exquisite photo exhibits by KOA, a photographer based in Nairobi. We also got a taste of the sumptuous food and snacks being sold at the back as we went round the spacious room rubbing shoulders with Nairobi’s finest bloggers.

Savvy Kenya was there, Adelle was there, Ken Miseda of Miseda news too, Kavosa the poet who according to one of the event emcee Stella Nasambu, was writing poetry when the rest of us were busy applying makeup(i.e. during her early teens) was there too.

Storymoja publishers were at the event, represented by the lovely Winnie who was encouraging the literature lovers to join their start a library movement and help kids in public schools access text books.

The poetry then proceeded with a lovely piece from an extremely enthused Wangare performing a brilliant piece on the revolution in the Middle East called This Revolution Will Be Televised. For a moment, I was momentarily transported into Egypt’s Tahrir Square. Her second piece, One Thousand Words was inspired by Boniface Mwangi’s Photography of Kenya Burning.

Njeri Wangare aka Kenyan Poet’s piece on the changing technology revealed her tech loving self just as she self-describes on twitter as a technology lover. I also saw her autograph a few copies of her published book for some enthused buyers.

The comely Mwende honored her friends involved in the Sudan Revolt in her piece ‘The Ground’.

Wamathai, who apparently never performs at the event, did two pieces the first being about him trying to vibe this pretty chick he was sitting next to in a Matatu; The second being Oluoch Madiang’s ‘Lord My Woman Is Talking’ that was performed on request from some the people in the audience.

To cap off the show, Moraa Onsango then crooned to us some lovely soft rock music in a one man guitar fashion before the Sisi Kwa Sisi Dancers danced the evening away and Ndila sent us off with a wonderful rendition of Mr.Jailer.

As I walked off the MJ center at about half past eight that night, I knew for sure that I had witnessed a part of the changing youth culture in Kenya. A few years back, one wouldn’t think that poetry, or spoken word had any place outside the 844 system of education. Being there, in a place where almost all the attendees had learnt about the event on social media and actually shown up, I was, and still is convinced that the future of art, poetry and music in the present Kenya is getting brighter and brighter and that social media is really creating a platform for interconnectivity in this country where fifteen years ago, you had to write a letter to your relative who wasn’t living in the same city as you.

This Miguna Man………My take on the Wag’s ‘My ethical misgivings with this ‘volatile miguna book’.

Friday evening, over a cup of hot tea at the KNT, I listened to a couple of friends discussing the trending Kenyan topic last week: @MigunaMiguna.
Word on the street is, he has broken so many rules in his peeling the mask book that tons of lawyers are queuing up, begging Mr. Raila Odinga to allow them to sue Mr. Miguna.

So after a long wait and an appetite whetted by the nation newspaper in a movie like serialization of Miguna’s book, he finally launched it amid ridiculous threats that there is more where that came from.

First of all, I have to do my hats off thing for Miguna for launching the book just at its tipping point (before the 2013 elections when every candidate is looking for dirt on his opponent.). If it was in the US, Mr. Odinga’s political ambition could have swiftly come to a predictable end as ‘integrity ‘issues there are taken rather seriously.
However, this is Africa and however dark your history, all you need is to belong to a particular tribe and you will get most votes from your clansmen because you are ‘theirs’.

Mr Muguna must also be a good student of Robert Green for sticking to one of the 48 Laws of power which says draw attention to yourself at all costs.

Don’t get me wrong; I am not in support Mr. Raila or the folks in parliament now, if anything I am a true believer in the Boniface Mwangi school of thought that all the vultures, should be removed from power. But I do also believe in dignified approaches to issues.

The power game.

What Mr. Miguna would have done to gain more credibility would be to get a grip of his over- enthused self and just calm down. Instead of going round screaming blue murder (student’s companion) and sounding like a wronged man on a mission of revenge.

Just imagine if he was as calm as Mutahi Ngunyi the political analyst, and speak with confidence and without so much emotion.
We would actually have no choice but to believe him.

But he has been caught live on camera enough times saying ‘if you want to sue me, come babe come and that Raila should go to him and kneel and kiss his feet . (at this point i have to say that he reminds me of Joseph who was sold by his brothers in Egypt; and had been reproached by his father for dreaming that they would bow to him.)

In his column in today’s Daily Nation, the Wag, says, and I do agree that the book is out too soon after the fallout.
To increase his credibility, double Miguna would have taken his time to produce a masterpiece work, (books aren’t the easiest things to write, especially memoirs) and so this does sound like Vendetta and he unfortunately looks like he is taking advantage of his privileged position in government at such a time as this.

The wag continues to say that eyewitnesses remember only what they want to remember and magnify what they want to and that an autobiographical book could lead one to self conscious and even exaggerated self importance in the whole process and I say true dat.

Lets just say that the Chief Justice Mr. Willy Mutunga will have to look into more than two presidential candidates’ integrity issues and that Miguna should start reading the book How to Win People’s Trust Again because we neverthe less just joined John Githongo in the whistleblowers job(but you see Mr. Githongo had the European Unions support.
Meanwhile Mr. Raila should see how to do damage control after magnificently launching his online campaign…..because like we were told,
Kenya Ni Kwetu na Hatucheki Na watu!!

oh and news just in on twitter; Muguna’s life is now in Danger. Yeah Right!

My African Wife….

By Gloria Mwaniga

She

Whose eyes are bright as stars in a dark sky,
Whose eyelashes are long as a cat’s
Whose eyebrows are thick and unshaved,
She has gazed her way into my heart.

She whose lips are round like an egg hatched by a traditional chicken,
Whose smile is like the winding of the river Naromoru,
She, whose gap is like the path to a forest,
She has laughed her way into my heart.

She, whose hips are well rounded like a well molded clay pot,
She whose waist is like an ant’s,
She, whose breasts are small and firm like a young coconut,
She has got my heart beating like a drum.

She, whose calf is strong and tough,
She whose feet are quick to help,
She, whose heart is tender and kind,
She has woven a spider’s web in my heart.

She, whose skin is smooth as pounded yam,
She, whose hair is rough and rolled up,
She, whose hands are tough because of digging,
She will become my mother’s relative.

For I have been to the city and back,
And seen many girls both dark and light skinned,
But her beauty surpasses all of them.
Her rich laugh fills up her thick fleshy neck
Her big heart draws me to her African bosom

Adios Nairobi…..bienvenido Kampala

GOODBYE NAIROBI……..

I have fantasized enough times about the day I would say these words, and actually mean them.
Even if it’s just for a little while.

Especially at the times when I am caught in the crazy traffic, or when a matatu drives off with my change and most especially when I am having a hefty week and feeling like I need to press the pause button.
And so finally, after a long and workful beginning of the year, and as a birthday treat to my self, I am off to visit a different city. Kampala.
I just can’t wait.
At this point, as the days draw nigh and the nights are longer (either due to the tropic of Capricorn’s summer solstice something or my impatience) I really want to sing along to Lenny Kravitz’s I want to get away; I want to fly awayyyy…yaaay yaaay yaaay. Regardless of the fact that I will not fly but rather will take a bus to the land of Matoke.

A few things I must carry for this journey are;

•My taste buds. I cannot dare leave this behind because my intention is to eat as many different Ugandan cuisines as I possibly can and review the restaurants while at it.

•Trendy dresses.

This was imposed on me as unsolicited advice from a work colleague who studied at Makerere University.
So that you can understand, let me quote her…‘Gal you see, UG People know
That Kenyan chicks don’t know how to dress, and I can bet you are planning to carry like four pairs of jeans. In Uganda, the girls are trendy and they do like to show a bit of skin so please, get yourself a number of dresses and while at it, do me a favour and replace your numerous sandals and flat shoes with heels.(I had packed five pairs of Jeans and four pairs of flat shoes so I simply nodded my head but said nothing.)

•My twitter password.
So I can communicate with you. And also keep up with the current trends in Kenya
because like someone rightfully wrote, you are never too sure of what might happen in the next 48 hours in Kenya.

•My proud to be Kenyan T-Shirt or the Kenya ni Kwetu T-Shirt.

This is very strategic. The reason being I plan to watch the Olympic games, especially the marathons in public places where I shall dance along to Kemboi’s little victory dances and give an already formulated anecdote about the versatility of Kenyan women when the anthem is being played after Jelimo’s win.

•My Barbara Kimenye’s Moses Series.

This is so I can find Mukibi Educational Institute for the Sons of African Gentlemen; and then hopefully interview Moses, King Kong, and Kibuka over a bottle of waragi. Please don’t tell me they are fictional characters!!!

•Shopping money.
Because rumor has it that there are as many dresses in Kampala as there are noisy matatus in Nairobi.

But I am scared of:
My mom’s request.

She made me promise to bring her a couple of guinea fowls. Live ones.
She plans to add that to her chicken collection for variety purposes. And she is such an enthusiastic farmer that I just don’t know how to turn down such a noble request? And may I add that I am travelling by public means.

My spending habits.
I know when my eyes fall on beautiful things, then I cannot shy off from pulling a few hundreds from my pocket.

But guess what? I will cross the bridge, and the border, when I reach them.

Places I plan to visit in Kampala.

Walter’s Boda Boda Private Tours.

He’s the man only the motor bike (boda boda) with an eye view of Kampala
Walter is the perfect host: with his brand new motorbike he will pick you up and bring along a helmet for you. Walter drives safely, he knows the main roads and he knows the back roads, he knows the funny stories, he knows the sad stories, he knows the serious stories, he knows it all: the good places to eat, the most lovely places to learn about the history of Kampala, the best places for a view of the entire city … if you want to feel as if you have arrived in Kampala, go and book Walter Fahd’s Boda Tour for a full or a half-day. His stories and his tour will make you feel as if you have lived in this wonderful city already for months and years.

Gaddafi National Mosque
The Gadaffi mosque was a gift from the late Libyan leader M. Gaddafi to the Muslim community of Kampala/ Uganda. The mosque has great art work in the interior. From the floor carpeting to the ceiling designs, you will be amazed at this wonderful work of art and design. The more interesting thing is that you can climb to the tallest point of this mosque and be able to have a very marveling view of the city of Kampala. However, you have got to be very fit physically so as to be able to make the climb as there is no lift. You have to walk through a winding set of stairs up to the top. There is a fee to pay if you are to enter the premises. You must also be prepared to take off your shoes as part of the Islamic custom of respect to a holy place of worship. Women are also advised to wear clothes that fully cover them from head to feet before entering this place. If you don’t have, some sheets are provided at the mosque entrance for hire at a small fee for the tour purpose.

Uganda Crafts 2000 Limited.
Uganda Crafts 2000 Ltd. is the oldest and largest craft shop in Uganda. As a certified fair trade organization, they bring a sustainable and fair income to our artisans. They make exceptional baskets but sell a variety of other crafts – from batiks to jewelry to paper. Perfect place to buy gifts for family and friends.
.

Uganda Museum
The Uganda Museum is the biggest and the oldest Museum in Uganda which started in 1908 at Lugard’s fort on Old Kampala Hill in Kampala city. It later moved to Makerere University at the school of industrial and fine arts and lastly to kitante Hill where it stands today. The Museum has different sections including
1. Traditional music section with the traditional musical instruments and a live performance is available for the visitors
2. Archaeology section with the parts of Stone Age and Irone Age where you will be able to see the stone tools which were used 1,000,000 years ago
3. Independence pavilion of science and industry having transport (7th car in Uganda), communication (model of the 1st telephone in East Africa)
4. Ethno history with the things of recent history like the first printing press in Uganda
5. Ethnography providing the visitors with the touch of cultures and peoples’ way of life
6. Paleaolontology with the fossils aged about 20,000,000 years ago. Also discover the distinct species of mammals like long- horned buffalo and the Indian Elephant
Outside the Museum is the Living museum (Cultural village) that exhibits the ways of lives of Ugandans as it represents the whole of Uganda.
Kasubi Tombs
Historic Sites, The place where ancient Ugandan royalty are buried.
Mish MasBar/ Clubs
I have to visit this place because of the strange name, and that I have to eat their food which is said to be legendary. the beer battered fish and chips, and plate of dips.
Ziwa Rhino Sanctuary
For a nature and wildlife axperience.

Will keep you posted dear reader.